Just kidding. I’m not an expert at anything. Not even remotely!
One of my biggest fears is that I will do/say/be something that will scar my kids for life or cause them to have a negative view of their childhood. I imagine what my children will say about us some day when they sit with friends, reminisce about their childhood, and reflect on the way their parents parented (<—it’s a word if I say it is). I hope they won’t be sitting around telling stories about us in group therapy and I pray only for the good to stand out in their minds, and for the bad to be diminished somehow. I’m sure Jonathan will come up smelling like a rose somehow-he’s always the hero! Maybe I should just shoot for them liking me when they get to be adults.
Today, as River got into the car, I asked him to start learning his Bible verse for next week. Me: River, let’s go ahead and start repeating your verse every day, and by next Wednesday you will know it. River: Fine, but we aren’t really gonna do it because you will forget. You always forget.
True story. TRUE story, but ouch! If it’s one things my kids can depend on, it’s that I will forget. It’s the way I’m made! Some call it free-spirited, others call it flaky, and even fun, but my mind wanders and I can’t make it be still and it doesn’t behave and do decent things like remember friends’ birthdays and my kids’ schedules. I have a calendar (okay, fine it’s blank), but I have a trail of sticky notes-a lot of them, and I set alarms and reminders on my phone. But when they go off, sometimes I look down and read them, and sometimes I scratch my head and wonder why I have an alarm going off, as I hurriedly turn it off. If I ever get alzheimer’s, no one will even notice until I get to the point of incontinence.
If forgetting was the only negative thing about me, I’d be in good shape, but it’s not. On top of not being super memory mom, I’ve got many other short comings, too many to list here and it would sound like a sob story anyway. To the point. I’ll never be enough. Jesus is enough and at least I can point to him.That should be what they remember about me. Lord please let that be what they remember about me.
I’ve decided (and I’m not an expert so take this lightly) that the best way to not scar my kids for life is to pray, pray, pray, make the good times really, really good, try to overlook the small stuff, even some of the big stuff, stop nagging and focus on having a relationship with them. I want them to remember that I love them so much, not that I cringed when they ate junk food. I want them to remember me being their biggest cheerleader not the critical comments I thought were helping them be better.
I guess I won’t know if this recipe works until my kids are older, and not members of a group therapy for people with crappy parents. I’ll let you know.
I started writing this in 2015. 2015 y’all and now it’s 2018. Procrastination isn’t even the word.